Persoalan Antar-Jemput

Friday, 10 February 2017 - 10:07:29 WIB
By : P. Sheila | Category: Gender & Seksualitas - 23039 hits


"Lho kok nggak bareng si ini?"

"Nggak diantar si anu??"

Salah satu pertanyaan tersebut menyasar teman saya siang ini. ‘Ini’ dan ‘anu’ mengacu pada pacar, partner atau pasangan. Dia cuma dengan enteng bilang, "Nggak.” Tapi pertanyaan tersebut harus berlanjut dengan, "Lhoo...kenapa?" dengan nada prihatin bercampur kepo.

Melihat teman saya yang gelagapan ditanya, akhirnya saya memotong, "Memangnya harus?"

Akhirnya yang bertanya pun tahu diri dan salah tingkah.

Pertanyaan itu sebenarnya sering juga dilayangkan ke saya. Saya dan partner saya bertempat tinggal cukup jauh. Kebetulan kami sekantor dan letak kantor kami berada di antara kedua rumah (orangtua) kami.

Saya sejak kecil terbiasa mandiri dan punya kemampuan bermobilitas sendiri. Jadi ketika saya memulai pacaran dengannya pun saya tidak serta merta mengubah kebiasaan saya untuk berangkat dan pulang kantor sendiri. Saya biasanya hanya minta diantar atau dijemput ketika saya merasa tidak enak badan. Reaksi yang paling sering saya dapatkan dari orang-orang adalah seperti disebutkan di atas.

"Kenapa tidak bareng?"

"Kenapa bawa motor sendiri??"

Sekali lagi saya jawab, "Memangnya harus??"

Selama saya masih merasa bisa melakukannya sendiri, kenapa juga saya harus bergantung pada orang lain? Saya sih senang-senang saja diantar atau jemput tapi mempertimbangkan faktor waktu, jarak, dan tenaga, kenapa juga saya memilih opsi yang merugikan salah satu atau kedua belah pihak? Tidakkah lebih praktis apabila kami tetap berangkat masing-masing, sehingga jauh lebih hemat tenaga dan waktu karena memang sikonnya mengharuskan seperti itu. Tapi komentar yang biasanya saya dapatkan mayoritas adalah…

"Ya, dari situ ‘kan bisa dilihat sejauh apa dia memperjuangkan kamu."

"’Kan, biar kelihatan sejauh apa dia berkorban untuk kamu."

Apakah karena saya perempuan jadi saya harus memerankan peran “dilindungi” dan diperjuangkan? Dan karena dia laki-laki, maka dia harus memerankan peran "pahlawan" yang kuat dan berjuang mengantar jemput tuan putri apa pun tantangannya? Halo? Ini bukan kisah putri Disney juga.

Bagi saya, hubungan yang baik adalah dimana kedua pihak bisa sama-sama memperjuangkan sesuatu. Jadi jika itu diistilahkan berjuang, maka keduanya wajib memperjuangkan hal itu, bukan si laki-laki saja yang wajib berjuang untuk memenangkan hati si perempuan.

Salah seorang teman saya suatu sore ngotot minta dijemput dari kantor oleh sang pacar, padahal si Mas pacar baru saja begadang dan belum tidur semalaman. Layakkah persoalan antar-jemput ini? Dalam sebuah hubungan yang sehat saya rasa masing-masing wajib memperjuangkan kesehatan pasangannya. Kalau Anda rasa pacar Anda tidak dalam kondisi tubuh yang sedang baik, maka bukankah lebih bijak kalau Anda memilih naik motor sendiri, naik angkot, atau apalah agar dia bisa menghemat waktu dan tenaganya? Jadi apa gunanya memaksakan hal-hal semacam itu bagi si perempuan? Pride?  Apa perempuan yang punya pacar akan turun kasta kalau terlihat bermobilitas sendiri? Bahkan sampai ada sebutan ‘OCI di lingkaran pertemanan kantor saya. OCI artinya Ojek-CInta, sebutan yang disandang para pacar/gebetan yang dengan setia memberikan fasilitas antar-jemput gratis. Kasihan juga saya lihat para laki-laki itu kadang-kadang.

Bagi saya pribadi, ketika orang yang melakoni sebuah hubungan itu memutuskan untuk tidak melakukan sesi antar-jemput, maka saya yakin mereka pasti memiliki banyak pertimbangan sendiri. Dan sungguh lucu ketika hal-hal seperti itu dipertanyakan, apalagi dijadikan sesuatu keprihatinan. Saya cuma heran, mengapa saya jadi patut dikasihani karena hal itu? Padahal saya baik-baik saja, pacar saya juga baik-baik saja, demikian juga dengan hubungan kami.

Lebih jauh, fenomena antar-jemput yang menjadi peraturan tidak tertulis dalam dunia percintaan ini saya sikapi sebagai salah satu bentuk ‘paksaan’ peningkatan ketergantungan pihak perempuan kepada pihak laki-laki. Di masyarakat yang menganut sistem patriarki seperti Indonesia, sang perempuan akan dituntut untuk meningkatkan tingkat ketergantungannya kepada pasangannya. Dari yang dulunya ke mana-mana naik motor/angkot, ketika sudah pacaran jadi antar jemput. Dulunya ke mana-mana bayar sendiri, ketika pacaran jadi harus dibayarin melulu. Bahkan hal ini nantinya akan terus berkembang, dari yang dulunya berdaya, independen, ketika berpasangan (menikah) menjadi kehilangan kemampuannya untuk menghidupi dirinya sendiri.

Apa yang salah dengan hal itu? Tidak ada, asal perilaku tersebut bukan karena hasil peraturan tidak tertulis yang biasanya harus ditaati para pasangan, tapi merupakan hasil kesepakatan bersama kedua belah pihak. Singkatnya, maksud saya adalah setiap pasangan, memiliki hak penuh untuk mendesain cara mereka berpasangan. Lupakan stigma tentang bagaimana “laki-laki memperjuangkan perempuan”. Saya pikir lebih tepat diucapkan, “kami berdua sama-sama berjuang mencapai tujuan bersama”.

P. Sheila berusia 28, seorang pekerja perempuan, pemimpi profesional, cosplayer amatir yang mencoba mendefinisikan dunianya sendiri.

Ada tanggapan atau komentar? Tulis di bawah ini.

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Mikaela | 10 February 2017 | 12:06:03 WIB
YAAAAAAASSS!!! Say it louder for the ones in the back!
Ruby - Astari | 10 February 2017 | 19:41:19 WIB
Ganggu banget, yah? Single nggak single, pasti pertanyaan ini keluar:

"Kok pulang/datang/pergi sendirian?"

Kadang suka iseng saya jawab: "Lha, yang di samping ini gak kelihatan, ya?" Biasanya yang superstitious langsung ketakutan. Hehehe.
Restu Hapsari | 11 February 2017 | 22:48:20 WIB
@Ruby - Astari

hahahaha samaaa banget suka jawab "yang di samping gak keliatan?"
Nabila | 12 February 2017 | 14:14:16 WIB
Haha setuju banget sama artikel iniii
anggi | 14 February 2017 | 09:12:27 WIB
persoalan antar jemput sesungguhnya memang cikal bakal dependensi. setuju banget sama apa yg kamu tulis!
Jo | 03 March 2017 | 10:54:01 WIB
Kalau ada pertanyaan seperti itu, saya lebih suka jawab sarkas "emangnya dia ojek antar jemput saya"
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