Help: I’m 23 and Still Single!

Friday, 27 May 2016 - 09:57:13 WIB
By : Madge | Category: Ask Madge - 3024 hits
Dear Madge,

I'm a 23 year olds girl and I'm single. I’ve been single for five years now. I know it doesn't sound like a big issue but I’m dying to have a partner in my life. It’s not that nobody has ever made a move, but I’m just being picky because I want him to be "the one". All of these boys make me feel uncomfortable and I’m not that "let's date" type of girl. I need a different point of view from people. That’s why I’m asking you because seriously, I don't want die alone.

Sincerely,
R



Dear R,

You are absolutely right. It does not sound like a big issue, because it really is not. You can read my previous answer to a Magdalene reader who asked why she is still single. But again, seriously, it is not something that you should be worried about, especially when you’re 23.

You’re scared of dying alone? Newsflash: Everybody dies alone. No one gets to ask to bring their plus one (or two or three) when their time comes. You’re afraid your “prime age” to conceive a baby is limited? It’s the 21st century, medical technology is more advanced now. Although the risks do increase if you conceive at a later age, many women who do get pregnant later (like our managing editor who waited until she is 38 to have a baby) do just fine. Plus, you can always adopt. There are so many abandoned babies who need loving parents.

It seems to me like you just love the idea of being in a relationship, that you feel like your life will have a meaning only if you have a partner. That’s not healthy. Another newsflash: Relationship is hard and requires hard work. Too many people get married too young (personally, I think nobody should get married until they’re 30), and find out the hard way that marriage life is not all it’s cracked up to be.

So yeah, stop worrying and just enjoy being 23. Twenty-three years old is not the time to worry about finding “the one”. It’s the time to build a career and to work towards achieving complete financial independence, to find your passion, to learn a lot of new things – basically to spread your wings and fly, kicking off your shoes, painting the town red, and all that.

By the time you meet “the one”, you are your own character and you’re likely to be more independent. You will not depend on others for your own happiness and you won’t just do things because that’s what society expects you to do. That, my friend, is a better recipe for a relationship.

Best,
M
 
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COMMENTS
igi | 28 May 2016 | 16:00:52 WIB
you're just 23. try 40.
chill out, girl!
R. | 30 May 2016 | 21:12:42 WIB
I comment here as R., but I'm not the same "R" that sent in the letter :p From one R to another, who has been in a similar situation, here are my thoughts on this matter:

I think one of the pervasive and troubling perspectives we have been socialised about is this myth of "the one", supposedly a person who fits you right in every single aspect, the best possible partner you can get in this lifetime, et cetera. Well, stop thinking in terms of finding this mythical "one". "The one" doesn't exist; they are a creation--a dream being sold by fairytales or romantic comedies or whatever religious dogma you happen to be in. The reality is that humans are so multifaceted, all of us confused and insecure and trying to be happy and inevitably making mistakes, and *all* relationships take work, as Magdalene has said above. Adjust your expectations with reality, otherwise it is a recipe for despair. Sometimes a shift in perspective is what you need.
smh96 | 31 May 2016 | 23:32:12 WIB
chill, u're still 23 for god's sake 😑 There will come a phase when u realize that it's not such a big deal
Ruby - Astari | 28 June 2016 | 06:19:25 WIB
Hi, I'll be 35 this November and I'm still single...and alive...and breathing.

All is good. Take it easy. God gives us one when it's time.















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