My Hook-up Experience ‘Frees’ Me

Wednesday, 24 May 2017 - 10:56:14 WIB
By : Elsie F | Category: Family & Relationship - 2972 hits
Recently I just had my second hook-up experience. It was a month after my first one. Both times were with a foreign guy who had good sense of humor and who treated me respectfully, and both times we had a great time. I had an uncomfortable feeling after hooking up, and not because I regretted it. Instead, it was because I actually enjoyed something that society tells me is wrong. Something is wrong with this and I need to set some things straight.

Before my messy break-up a year ago, I only slept with my boyfriend. The break-up traumatized me. For several months I couldn’t even imagine being touched by another guy. I was disgusted with the idea of having an intercourse with anyone beside my ex. Some people tried, of course, during party or when I traveled by myself and met people, and I always rejected them. I’d put a stop to the playful flirting games when they started to want more.

Until a month ago, when a traveler asked me if I would like to have dinner with him. As an experienced solo traveler, I know the feeling when you want to hang out with local people to know more about the place you visit. We met for a drink.

This was during the time when I was missing my ex so much and when I was crying nearly every weekend because I felt so lonely after we officially stopped communicating three months earlier. I had been sexless for nearly a year, during which I regularly masturbated, too afraid to get the real sex. So the temptation of starting the flirting game was very high, and I knew right away that he wanted to sleep with me. But I initially told him that I didn’t sleep with strangers and that I only slept with my boyfriend because I needed affection to be able to do that. He accepted it, not being pushy whatsoever.

We went to a party later and I danced wildly, something that I always do anyway.  After I finished my drink, he went to get me another drink. While alone waiting for him, my mind changed. All I wanted that night was physical pleasure and as a woman with freedom, I knew I could have anything I wanted, if I wanted it. Why should I have to feel bad for wanting to fulfill my biological need? I am sexually active and I know that there’s nothing wrong with it, because I own my body and have the full right to please myself. Why do people see sex as a thing for men to enjoy, but a sacrifice for women? Long story short, he asked me if I would like to come to his place and I agreed. I wanted a meaningless physical connection and there is nothing wrong with that.

Last weekend, I met a guy at a party and he was very cool, cute, and into me. He respected me and didn’t touch me even when I was dancing seductively. After some time, he kissed me gently and later we went to his place. We had fun and he treated me affectionately after the intercourse. I left the next afternoon after having breakfast, watching a movie, and engaged in an interesting conversation. I had a good time overall.

But then the feeling came again. I arrived at my own place and I felt uncomfortable because I enjoyed the experience.

Am I too easy? Yes, of course I’m being “easy” with a guy I like. Why should I play hard to get if I want it too? Wanting sex doesn’t make me less of a woman. Doing it with someone you don’t like is harmful. Doing it when you don’t want to do it, but want to keep someone interested is bad. Doing it with a creep is a terrible idea. But doing it with someone you want, when you want it is liberating. As a single woman, I don’t objectify myself by sleeping with someone I like. Instead, the idea that a woman has to repress her sexual needs to be “a good girl” is degrading. Your body is your own, not society’s.

A good friend asked me why I would have sex with someone with no prospect of relationship? The thing is I am not seeking a boyfriend, as I’m still not ready to be in a new relationship. I couldn’t afford to invest emotionally by being someone’s girlfriend. I’m picky when it comes to serious boyfriend, and, for now, no one I’ve known or met meet have the qualities I look for in a boyfriend. With the guys I slept with, it wasn’t fast romance. I only wanted physical connection, not  emotional one.

Engaging in a sexual relationship without investing emotionally can be empowering. Even healing. No more crying over my failed relationship, because I know I can be happy in any possible way by my own. Yes I’ve been hurt, but, no, I’m not a slut.

Elsie F is a journalist, traveler and a long-time believer of feminism. She is not a big fan of external validation concept, and she knows how to happily enjoy her life on daily basis. She previously lived in Europe.

Got an opinion on this issue? Let’s talk about it in the comments section below.

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Lur | 25 May 2017 | 15:46:09 WIB
Enjoy your sexual -liberating experiences, Sist!!.
However, stay safe. :)
Candy Unagi | 26 May 2017 | 00:03:03 WIB
Sex is great and as long as we do it without harming ourself or others, go for it and have fun!
ysmine | 30 May 2017 | 00:54:45 WIB
I've been there in your situation. I used to think myself as a 'slut', but then, I wasn't, exploring sex is fine and good, you'll get to know yourself more, just always be careful and safe! :)
Rina | 30 May 2017 | 06:44:47 WIB
I mean, I can exactly relate to this! I always feel... I don't know, am I too easy or something like that.

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