I’d like to think that my iPod has a mind of its own, playing whatever song it fancies, and sometimes it just goes on hiatus, coming back on again just when I think it’s broken.
But this time, it seems that our minds are in sync when it plays the 90s ultimate pop ballad from Michael Bolton, a duet with Patti Labelle. I belt out the chorus from the top of my lungs:
“Cause we’re not making looove anymore…. Baby, we’re not making looove like befooore….”
The second line fits my situation perfectly. Not that my relationship has gone sour. After seven years of marriage, my husband and I are still going strong. We still love each other dearly, respect one another and enjoy each other’s company. We still have sex, and I know for a fact that the frequency is normal or even higher than many married couples.
The thing is, sex doesn’t seem to be such a priority for him anymore, not like when we were in our 20s, when we used to shag like rabbits. I, on the other hand, have grown a sexual appetite of a 16-year-old boy in my mid 30s. I’m like that Korn’s song A.D.I.D.A.S – All Day I Dream About Sex. Like, literally.
I don’t recall being this horny when I was a teenager. Sure, I masturbated but I was too religious to go all the way. After college, I no longer feared hell or God, but was too busy chasing a career. Work really took up my time that I didn’t have much chance and energy to be all adventurous and have one-night stands or things like that. I also still had the romantic notion that I needed to be in love with the guy to have sex.
And then I met my husband and lived together with him for a while before we got married. That was about all the sexual adventure I have ever been through.
Fast forward to now, and BOOM! Desire blooms like fireworks on the fourth of July (as the line in erotic novels goes) when I hit 35. Am I a late bloomer? Is it the so-called seven-year itch? Is my body playing catch-up after the uneventful (sex wise) teenage and 20-something years? Or could it be just my hormones playing tricks on me?
Perhaps it’s because I’m healthier than I’ve ever been – eating well and exercising regularly with more flexible working hours. But I’m not sure. All I know is that I want to have sex all the time. Well, not all the time, but especially when I’m ovulating. Sometimes when I have my period (“No! No way! I’m not that kinky!” my horrified husband says in disgust). Other times after the period ends. Yeah, basically most of the days in a month.
My husband is quite cooperative in satiating his nympho of a wife, but he can only do so much. He often snapped when I asked for Round 3: “God, give me a break!” before falling asleep fast and snoring. Other time, he joked, “Wudhu sana, shalat (take ablution and say a prayer).”
I pouted and turned my back at him, but the itchiness won’t go away, and I keep demanding him for sex.
There are times when I fantasize of having sex with other men. But finding others to satisfy the sexual cravings is not an option for me. I guess I’m still Ms. Prude at heart. It just feels too clichéd and a cop-out. So, unless my husband is cheating on me, or Alexander Skarsgård is knocking on my bedroom door, infidelity is out of the question.
As this wild beast inside me remains untamed that even running or going to the gym could not distract me from it – and with a husband who often goes on business trips – I turned to my best gay friend and assigned him to find me a vibrator or a dildo.
He came back with something that made me laugh so hard I almost peed in my pants. It is a 9-inch rubber uncut penis with a bit of serration on top. It’s also pink (!!) with a silver handle.
“The shop assistant said it’s their best seller! It has seven levels of vibration,” he said.
“Oh my god! Like Mariah Carey!” I said, referring to the singer’s seven-octave vocal range.
And boy, oh boy, does Mariah rock my vagina (and breasts). She is not a diva at all. She has helped me find erogenous zones that I didn’t even know existed. Thanks to the different types of vibration, and that pointy top, I’ve had one of the most intense orgasms I’ve ever experienced in my life.
Men don’t really care about exploring those zones, I guess. Julie Delpy’s character in Before Midnight says it well when she tells Ethan Hawke’s: “You like to have sex the exact same way every time. Kissy, kissy. Titty, titty. Pussy.” So true.
Apart from Mariah, I begin to explore something that I had never done before: Internet porn. I never liked porn before; it’s just too…icky. But I decided to give it another try. After all, it wasn’t like in the old days when we had to go all the way to Glodok to buy it. It’s right there, literally one click away.
I started from YouTube, but that goes boring after a while cause there are nothing much to see there. A lot of them are hoax too, although I did find some European films with explicit sex scenes that I quickly bookmarked.
I then turned to Google and was amazed (and ecstatic) to find my Internet provider doesn’t block porn, despite the ‘Healthy Internet’ campaign from our ludicrous Minister of Communications and Informatics. So parents, better watch out for your kids.
I sorted out hardcore porn and typed in ‘classy sex scenes’ onto Google (I know, I’m such a girl) and found a lot of stuff that cater to my taste. This means that the actresses are pretty, their bodies are normal and in good proportion – no oversized boobs, waist that is too small and pointy ribs that make them look like cyborgs. The actors should not be bald, old or dumb-looking. I’m not a big fan of huge penis with throbbing veins either, ugh.
With Mariah on one hand, and a gadget that shows porn on the other, I have a ball pleasuring myself. Sure, there is nothing like having a real intercourse with passionate kisses, caresses, fondles and all that. But this self-sufficiency is also a lot of fun and you don’t have to worry about reciprocity.
Sometimes this overriding desire gets overwhelming and annoying as it gets in the way of getting work done. I’m also worried that it’s a sign of a disease, or an indication of early menopause. But it doesn’t seem so (I Googled and found many women experience the same thing).
So, I just embrace it. Somehow it makes me feel alive and energized, and also powerful. I still have control over it, and I’m not falling into addiction. Besides, I’ll take increased sexual appetite over mood swing or food craving anytime during PMS period. If my husband is not in the mood, I will always have Mariah, provided I don’t forget to buy her batteries.
About Sasha Greyish
Sasha always tells her single friends to just go out there and be promiscuous while they can instead of being ‘galau’ (restless). She also wishes the porn star of her namesake could find more acceptance in the society and could read books to small children without anyone protesting.