Women Lead
February 04, 2015

Should I Tell My BFF About Her Cheating Husband?

You found your BFF's husband with another woman. Should you tell your friend, confront him first or be quiet about it?

by Devi Asmarani, Chief Editor

Dear Madge,
I recently went to a restaurant and found my BFF’s husband with another woman, looking too chummy to just be two colleagues out for lunch. I managed to duck and look away before I had eye contact with him, and he probably didn’t see me. What do you think I should do now? Tell my friend about her possibly cheating husband, or confronting him first? I’m not that close to him, but neither do I have a bad relationship with him.
Conflicted BFF

Dear Conflicted BFF,

Every time I face a difficult dilemma like this, I think, “What would Madge do in such a situation?” So here’s what Madge would do: First she would make sure that the BFF’s husband is not gay (you do know that gay people do get married for status, right? With or without the knowledge of their spouses). Because, as we know, gay guys are women’s best friends, so they could all just be two chummy, platonic friends with no sexual interest in each other whatsoever. No idea where to begin to find out? Check out this article by Madge’s own gay BFF, Downtown Boy.

Secondly, Madge would try to put herself in the shoe of the BFF whose husband has been found to be having a cozy session with some hot woman in a restaurant. Is the BFF one of those control-freak types who hate surprises? Would she rather hear bad news straight from the horse’s mouth than from the toxic mouths of gossipy frenemies? And has she ever complained or dropped hints of dissatisfaction or suspicion on her husband? If the answers to all these are a definite “yes”, then you should pick up your phone and schedule a date with her in some quiet spot. Prepare some tissues. (If you don’t know the answers, perhaps, you haven’t gotten to know her well enough as your BFF). But on the other hand, if you believe she’s the type who’d rather live in a bubble where everything is hunky-dory; and if there’s a potential she would shoot the messenger – the harbinger of bad news – then think again. I suggest wait and see. Even better, investigate – if you can do so unobtrusively (yes, rather oxymoronic, I know).

You see, I have once done something similar, telling my close friend that his GF, who wanted to break up with him, was badmouthing him to her friends. Instead of thanking me, he told his GF what I told him, which resulted in her and her whole posse of mean girls treating me like I was a grand bitch. As for him, my ex-close friend, well, let’s just say, we share a mutual dislike of each other now. He married her, and they got a divorce a few rocky years later. I rest my case. Lesson learned: think hard about what you want to inform and how you are going to inform it. Yes, being honest is always a good policy, but not necessary the best all the time.

Then again, if you think he’s such a dick who doesn’t deserve her anyway, go right ahead and tell her.
Got a burning question about something? Send us your question to [email protected] with the subject 'Ask Madge.'

Devi Asmarani is a functional introvert who enjoys mild socializing and dancing to hip hop music every once in a while. She cries when wowed by a movie, a song, a book, an article, a poem, a speech, a TV commercial – basically any work of human's mind that has been exquisitely created.