How long have I been single again? These days, I don’t bother do the math. I’ve been single long enough that insulting remarks like “frigid old maid”or “a left-over woman” no longer intimidate me.
Still, I’m riled by the meaner remarks that, to me, amount to ill-wishes hurled targeted towards single women like me. And these comments are normalized in a society that ties women’s value to her marital status.
You’re too picky. That’s your problem. You’re not even that pretty!
Just what the hell are you waiting for? Soon you’ll be way too old and no man in his right mind will want you!
You can choose to ignore them, but often the remarks get a shade or two darker than necessary.
Also read: Why My Nephew Thinks I’m Better Off Single
You’ll die alone.
You’ll be sorry when you’re old, lonely, and miserable – and no one’s taking care of you.
It’ll be even harder once you turn 80 with chronic illnesses too!
I no longer feel hurt by these remarks. In fact, I’ve decided to save my energy by staying quiet and paying attention to what they’re actually saying to me. It’s not that I’m giving in to being abused, rather I listen to find flaws in their logic, while forming my next attack when they least expect it.
For starters, I always laugh every time I am being told: “You’ll die alone”.
News flash: WE ALL DIE ALONE. It’s not even rocket science. If you happen to die first, chances are your partner/spouse is not going to join you in the afterlife anytime soon. And the kids you leave behind, they, too, probably won’t join you in the afterlife immediately. If you have been nice to your partner, they’ll probably grieve for you for a while. But they’ll probably move on. Because people need to carry on with their lives, with or without another partner to take your place. That’s just life.
And, if the table is turned and your partner dies first. You will be sad, you may get depressed, but you probably won’t join him or her or them in the afterlife too. You, too, would move on. This is not The Notebook where the couple gets to die together in their old age.
“You’ll be sorry when you’re old, lonely, and miserable – and no one’s taking care of you.”
We all grow old, but why is being old, lonely and miserable only associated with unmarried people? People with family can experience loneliness too. To me this is just ill wish.
“It’ll be even harder for you once you turn 80 with chronic illnesses too!”
Who died and made you God? How do you know we’re going to meet such a fate? What about parents who expect their children to look after them when they’re old – only to be crushed when their children place them in nursing homes and barely visit them? It could be worse. What if the children die first, and no one is taking care of you in your twilight years? That is a possibility too, whether you like it or not.
And if your ill-wishes to single women like us happened to be granted by God, what do you expect from us? A formal apology to stroke your ego by admitting that you’ve been right all along?
Also read: Smug Married Friends, Here’s What Not to Say/Do to Your Single Friends
At last, here comes my favourite last remarks from these people: “Just what the hell are you waiting for? Soon you’ll be way too old and no man in his right mind will want you!”
Stop pretending that you care and that you only mean well.Admit it, you want to feel superior because someone has chosen you – just to make you feel worthy. So, you’re the trophy. YAY!
The bottom line is nothing lasts forever. People change. Human hearts change. Even if you’re married with kids, or in a relationship, you’re not invincible from heartbreak and other suffering that life throws at you. Constant fights, domestic violence, infidelities, divorces, being abandon by your grown-up children, and deaths. Being married is not a guaranteed end to all life’s miseries.
Meanwhile, how do you know that all single people will end up alone and miserable? They may have better luck than you. Even if they don’t live long, they may have lived a much more fulfilling life than yours. They may be surrounded by people who love them and care for them at old age, even those that are not blood-related.
All I’m saying is be kind and stop making these ridiculous comments. Because kindness doesn’t cost anything, but it’s priceless and always in demand. Regardless of your marital status.
Illustration by Karina Tungari
