Dear Western Men: No, We’re Not Obsessed with Having Your White Babies
To some western men, we are apparently some kind of exotic and subservient beings who want nothing more than a tall, fair husband and a mixed-race baby.
Recently – and to my regret – I stumbled across a post online that made me furious. The title of the post was “How to Date Indonesian Women.” It was on a website designed for Western men to get tips and tricks to win the hearts of “exotic” women, such as those from Indonesia, the Philippines and countries in South America.
Whether their plan is to marry the women, or just to have fun for a night or two, this website has the answer. It is a proper love coaching website. This particular post was written by a male of Caucasian descent (with his Asian girlfriend/wife clinging onto him in his profile picture), who claimed to have understood foreign women and believed he can help other lonely men out there to find love as well.
Halfway into reading it, I was already enraged. The piece comes up with clichés and stereotypes of cheap, uneducated Indonesian women.
I’ve heard a story where there was one Western guy, who had an Indonesian girl asking him to impregnate her while her husband was standing next to her.
She will think you are a lot more affluent than the Indonesian men.
They love men who lead… the best thing about Indonesian culture is that they are used to have men leading the women… They have none of those crazy feminist beliefs like they do in the West.
If you’re looking for a nice Indonesian girl (possibly if you’re planning to marry her), do not go looking in the clubs. Nice Indonesian girls don’t go to clubs.
Do consider twice before converting to Islam to marry her. Is it worth trading God with Allah?
Not one thing about this post was pleasant for me to read, nor was it informative. It continues to refer to the women as “beautiful” or “sexy”, as if it was the most important aspect of an Indonesian woman.
In the author’s point of view, if you follow his foolproof guide, you will land yourself an Indonesian girlfriend/wife. Apparently, we are some kind of exotic beings who want nothing more than a tall, fair husband and a mixed-race baby. Not only do we worship Westerners, we also love to serve men. So if you require an obedient wife who will do all the housework for you, we will happily do it.
I have never read anything so painful, shallow and wrong. The Indonesian women I know are strong, independent and incredibly smart. Do these men know that we exist? It probably doesn’t matter, because these men are SPECIFICALLY NOT looking for women who are strong, independent and smart. They target “easier” women who are much more predictable. Those who long for the wealth and social status that comes with dating foreign men. They think that these women won’t be able to resist their charm just because of their race (those “irresistible” bule genes!). Not only does the post show the arrogance of western men who think like him, it also shows the condescending manner they treat Indonesian women.
Judging from their attitude, these men would also likely also put minimal effort into their relationships while expecting the Indonesian women to be devoted them. The author pointed out that men should think twice before converting into Islam to marry an Indonesian Muslim girl, as if that was a common stupid and casual mistake Western men make. He disregarded the fact that these men might convert on their own volition. Maybe some of the men think the religion suits them and will help them commit to the relationship more.
Interracial relationship is not the issue here. A lot of Indonesian women are willing to be involved in a relationship with Western men and it’s true that in many cases, dating foreign men might result in the women having a better lifestyle or taken out of poverty. The problem is when people tolerate this white-male-superiority attitude. Their views of Indonesian women are condescending and outright insulting.
If you want to be with an Indonesian woman, fall in love with her, her culture, and her mind – don’t fetishize Indonesian women like they’re some kind of exotic commodities.
Battling male dominance and white superiority at the same time is not easy. We need to show that Indonesian women are truly powerful and can be independent. There is a lot to work on and change. In the meantime, I only hope to never ever come across a post like that again.
Amy is a business undergraduate student in Perth, Australia. Having been in an interracial relationship herself, she is aware of the stigma and stereotypes attached to Indonesian women. She has always loved to write and wishes to write more in the future.
