July 04, 2018
5 Signs He Might be into Revenge Porn

If the guy you're seeing is doing these five things, perhaps it's time to dump him.

by Ruby Astari
Issues // Relationship
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This is not the case of you being a “good girl” or not (whatever the hell that means). This could also happen to anybody else, no matter how careful they are. Let’s not act all holier than thou and blame the victim. You’re not solving anything by doing that. We must focus on the serial predators instead.

I could begin by blaming this sexist society for always putting women in a more difficult position. If they’re still single at a certain age, they’re usually rushed to find someone to tie the knot with soon.

However, if that someone ends up hurting them, the women are still blamed for not being careful enough. Some are even cruel enough to call them ‘stupid’ and ‘desperate’.

So, whether you meet him online or offline, here are the five signs your guy might be into “revenge porn” later on:
 
  1. He talks about sex...most of the time.
Is it normal as an adult to think about sex? Yes. But if 90 percent of the whole conversation with him is all about his fantasies with you or how much he wants to do it with you when you both are alone, then...you may need to watch out. If you start feeling uncomfortable, let him know immediately.
 
  1. He’s very open about his past sexual conquests.
Whether he’s boasting or not, it doesn’t matter. If he’s really interested in you, then he should be focusing on you. Why do you have to know about the number of his exes or how many other women he’s slept with before? Why would he even brag about them?
There are other qualities a woman can find in a man besides that. If he keeps trying to impress you mostly with his track records in bed, then he may have some serious confidence issues.


 
  1. He expects – and often demands – that you open up about your sexuality too.
This is how he subtly bargains with you. Since he has willingly laid all his cards out on the table, then how about yours? Once again, it’s a personal choice. You don’t need to feel pressure by his demands. Just because he’s so open about his sex life doesn’t mean you have to do the same. If you have different moral values, then he should respect that too.
 
  1. He accuses you of not being “open-minded” enough when you say “no” to his requests, err, demands.
He may seem nice, sweet, attentive, and caring at first. He may even convince you that, yes, he understands consent. No means no.
After a while, he starts asking – even begging – nicely that you give him more”. He’ll keep urging you with lame pickup lines like: “Come on, we’ve known each other long enough already. You should trust me by now. I won’t tell or show anybody this.”

Listen to your gut feelings. Your instinct is your protector. If you hesitate, even for a second, it’s a sign that you should say no.
Don’t be too surprised if he acts offended or looks so sad as if you’ve just told him his dog had died. Don’t take the bait if he accuses you of not being “open-minded” enough. If he is open-minded, he should accept that you have different views.
 
  1. He’s trying to get you to have cybersex (or real sex) with him and trade naked pictures and videos.
“I’d like to wind you up.” That’s probably one of the terms he often uses to provoke you. After all that sex talk and him telling you over and over again that he just wants to be with you, you’ll probably relent and start letting your guard down. Once he senses that, he’s taking you to his next level”.

At first, cybersex may seem harmless. You’ll remain a virgin (if you still are). No physical contacts, unless you decide to meet face-to-face for real and actually do it. Either way, he’ll want to use a camera to document that.

Via live video chat, you can bare yourself to each other. You agree to trade pictures and videos of each other. You think it’s okay and safe. He’s convinced you to trust him. Nobody else will have to know.

What happens next? He may suddenly disappear and you start to worry. You chase after him to ask what’s wrong, but then he gets defensive and starts a fight. He makes you feel like you’re the real problem, the clingy and nagging one. It’s either that – or he starts demanding some more. You’re expected to do whatever he asks. It’s never enough.

All of the things above will lead to only one thing: Him threatening you that he’ll post your naked pictures and videos online, unless you obey him. If you have a proof of him threatening you (like screenshots of your chat history), get some help immediately. Contact a support group or organization that will help you deal with this with the local authority.

Hopefully, your relationship with him may never reach the last stage. The first four signs should be enough to reconsider being with a man like that. If he threatens to leave you because of your reluctance to please him, call his bluff. If he does leave, that shows that the only person that matters to him is not you, but himself.

Never settle for less. Just because you’ve been single for a very long time and your friends think he seems nice, don’t ignore your instinct. It’s okay to wait. Careful considerations might save you, but don’t feel too ashamed when this has happened. You are the victim. He is the predator. Nobody should ever shame or blame you for this.

Ruby Astari is an English teacher, freelance translator, and freelance writer. Her first novel "Reva's Tale" is already in stores. She enjoys being a sexy chub, hanging out with fellow writers, and wearing froggy shades in public!