On My Sleeve

I don’t wear my depression on my sleeve
Maybe because I’m old
And my generation wasn’t taught to flaunt or parade
what’s considered our “weakness”
We’re taught to smile
Put on a brave face
Keep our heads up
And keep going no matter what
Don’t let anyone know you’re dying inside
It’s unbecoming
It makes other uncomfortable
And it’s of no use to you or anyone

So I don’t wear my depression on my sleeve
I don’t announce it on social media
I don’t tell my friends I’m going through it
Or what I’m going through
Until after the fact when I can just
Turn it into a “success story”
Of how I beat depression again
When I have never really won
I may have won some battles
But I am always losing the war

 

Still, I don’t wear my depression on my sleeve
I revert back to what I know
Put on a brave face
Smile
Pretend that you’re OK
Eventually you will believe the lie

I don’t wear my depression on my sleeve
I just show it to you
Because I know no matter what
You’ll never leave
No matter how ugly and dark
You’ll be there
You will not flinch
You will not move

Today I wear my depression on my sleeve

But only for you.
You’re the only one I can be my dark ugly self to.

Also read: New Poetry Book Centers on Poet’s Bipolar Disorder