You May Want to Marry My Boyfriend

My writing was inspired by Amy Krouse Rosenthal’s writing, “You May Want to Marry My Husband” as a tribute to her husband and their relationship, a piece she wrote a few days before dying of ovarian cancer. In this cheekily written piece, Amy tried to “advertise” her husband to meet the right person and start a new love journey after she dies.

Amy’s writings inspired me to auction my remarkable lover, Andi Ari Setiadi, whom I have been in a relationship with for almost nine years.

 

But, first off, I’m not dying – at least not that I know of.  Secondly, however committed we are to each other – and Ari always says that I am the only woman in the world that he wants to marry – for the time being, our circumstances are preventing us from taking a step further in our relationship by getting married.

So here’s my version of “you may want to marry my boyfriend,” though I will not be putting his profile on Tinder, a dating application that only took me a couple hours before deciding to delete it from my cell phone. An application that requires a location feature that keeps on running and consumes your phone’s battery, and one that  is able to detect people around you who have their app on.

Instead, I will describe Ari’s profile here, and hopefully it makes you want to swipe right his profile straightaway.

Ari is about 170 cm tall with a size M shirt that covers his body proportionally. However much he eats and at whatever hour, he never gets fat! No need to worry about certain food, because he can eat anything. His long straight hair always looks neat and shines like a Sunsilk model’s. He washes his hair every day although his house often experiences shortage in water.

As the second of five children, he has a warm family and is very close to his three brothers and one sister. Almost every day Ari meets and talks with his parents and siblings. He is also loved by his friends who hang out with him almost every night, some to work with him in creating photobooks or other handcrafted goods . His motto is “be productive always”.

Also read: When a Car is More than Just a Vehicle

Lately he likes to make decorative wooden handicraft to fill his new home that will soon be finished. Oh, did I say that the house he bought, which is near the biggest garbage collection site in Indonesia, is located next to the house I bought? But don’t worry, I plan to rent my house as an additional income. The location in Bekasi is  quite far for me to commute to work every day. His younger brother and friend also bought a house on the same street so they can work together better, Ari said laughing, showing a series of neatly arranged teeth.

It is the first house that he bought at the age of 40, the result of having designed hundreds of photographic books and catalogs since he was 26 years old. He declares himself a photobook designer and photographer.

Being his girlfriend means you will get books that are not sold anywhere in this world. Receiving a special handcrafted book on your birthdays is guaranteed to make you tear up, because you know that no one else has it besides you.

This is a man who will tick all your house chores’ to-do-lists. You will save a lot because you don’t have to hire a housekeeper, cook, bartender, carpenter and you don’t have to buy a washing machine. He is all those in one package. He washes his own clothes and dishes out of family habit. Not only does he clean the house, he also makes you a refreshing glass of iced sweet tea, or Milo.

I never remember him complaining about life or food, only the deadlines he has to chase which often disrupt his  sleep for several days.  He is a nocturnal person who will not disturb you and your 9-to-5 daily routine, but never mess with his sleep because it will make him grumpy.

I don’t know if he ever has enemies. Everyone loves him. There is never hate in his heart and he always tries to embrace everyone to be his friend.

Have I told you that he is a secure person? He is not afraid that his girlfriend pursues her ambition. He will even support you in achieving your dreams!

One more thing, he will respect your values! What on earth can make a guy wait nearly nine years for a girlfriend who refuses to have sex before marriage?

Have I gotten you interested in Ari? Good, because you will probably have better luck than me, especially if you, unlike me, is a Muslim woman (and, no, you don’t have to wear a headscarf), as you will certainly get the blessings of both his parents.

With all my love,
Caron.