Being Asexual in a Sex-Saturated Society

Just because she doesn't feel sexual desire doesn't mean she does not get romantically attracted to others.

  • September 10, 2018
  • 4 min read
Being Asexual in a Sex-Saturated Society

At thirteen, when puberty hit and I had my first period, I felt nothing. Nothing at all. It was weird for me personally to see most girls at the same age starting to kiss and make out with their boyfriend. Still, I developed feelings for someone.

I met him in Middle School—we were classmates. I had no idea how it started. Everything just happened that we became so close. So close were we that some thought we were dating. I did like him as a person and I liked hanging out with him. I liked how he talked like all intelligent kids. He was my favorite person. Things were going well for years until he decided to touch me physically and I slowly began to lose interest in him. In the days after I heard he had sex with another girl. They were officially dating.



Did I regret it? No. I left him for good, and that was the way it was.

So I tried to move on. I can say it was terrible. We no longer looked out for each other on a regular basis. We stopped talking. Somehow, I made myself believe that I was going to get used to it.

I have not changed since then. I did not get why people consider sex as an essential element of a relationship, but gradually I discovered that, apparently, I just don’t have any sexual attraction to anybody. I watched porn, but I didn’t experience the same thing that most people do. I felt like throwing up when I saw the guy squirted his penis on screen. It certainly is not the thrilling stuff I had expected. It was just disgusting.

Whenever I hear people telling me, “You wouldn’t know until you try it,” I am not even intrigued. Somehow, this makes people question me.

Are you a homosexual?

I am not sure. In spite of being unable to be sexually aroused, I frequently get too attached to some men: heartthrob movie stars, the boys-next-door, kind-hearted co-workers, strangers from Tinder. But, never once do I feel the desire to hook up with them. I could never imagine myself naked with someone else.

Have you ever been molested as a child?

Nah. I had a normal childhood and this sexual orientation has nothing to do with my life in the past. I just think that I would never get laid forever.

It’s pretty exhausting to be the only person around who doesn’t develop sexual attraction when a lot of guys want it as the main part in a relationship. I actually don’t mind the idea of having sex, but I couldn’t find the reason why I have to do it. I have neither obsession nor repulsion with penises and vaginas – to me they are just reproduction organs. But no matter how hard I try to explain this, people still don’t understand. They say I have low-libido. That I have health issues That I need to be medically checked.

It seems to be too strange to be asexual in a society saturated by sex, but I just don’t like being touched because it makes me uncomfortable. I do know it’s not cool being single, nor having zero physical contact to someone, but I want to be genuine about my own space. I may face a lot of rejection because of how I feel; I may not fit in. But it doesn’t make me any less than others, does it? And I also believe that someday I will find someone who is supportive enough to have my back. Because there is no shame in not having sex. No shame in being asexual.
Amaliah Black, 21 Year-Old who just discovered herself.

About Author

Amaliah Black

Amaliah Black, 21 Tahun, penyintas Bipolar Disorder dan penggemar teh Thailand sekaligus Cole Sprouse. Masih kuliah di Universitas Sriwijaya, tapi sebentar lagi lulus, kok.

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