I Don’t Want Children, Does This Make Me Less a Woman and Asexual?

Dear Madge,

So I’ve got a little confusion and a burning question here. I’ll get down to the question directly;

 

Does not wanting to have a child make you any less of a woman? Aaaandd, could that possibly mean that you’re an asexual or unromantic in this case?

Looking forward to reading your answer.

Love,
M
 
Dear M,

The simplest answer to your first and second question is no. Look, we live in an age where a woman has the choice to determine her own life, what to do with her body and her life, etc. You can live a meaningful and fulfilling life as a grownup without ever choosing to have a child. And it really doesn’t mean that you cannot have a romantic relationship with another person – man or woman. I know far too many couples who live child-free lives happily. There’s nothing less about the women. They just decide that raising children is just not for them. It was not the kind of life they envision for themselves, and their partners are OK with the choice.
 
If you’re partner-less at the moment, seriously, not wanting to have a child does not mean you’re asexual or, as you say, unromantic. Those are two different things. You can go on having great sex, or dating wonderful people, or even being married to someone, and still not wanting to have children. Someone who is asexual, which means someone who does not have any sexual feelings or desires, may actually want to have children (by natural conception or by adoption).
 
So, whatever information you get that link these two different things are wrong. Stop worrying about what other people think as well. Make decisions for your life based on informed choices on what you think is the best for you.
 
Hope this helps.
 
~M
 
Got a burning question about something? Send it to [email protected] — in English or Indonesian — with the subject “Ask Madge” or tweet your question to @the_magdalene.