Help: I’m 23 and Still Single!

Dear Madge,
 
I’m a 23 year olds girl and I’m single. I’ve been single for five years now. I know it doesn’t sound like a big issue but I’m dying to have a partner in my life. It’s not that nobody has ever made a move, but I’m just being picky because I want him to be “the one”. All of these boys make me feel uncomfortable and I’m not that “let’s date” type of girl. I need a different point of view from people. That’s why I’m asking you because seriously, I don’t want die alone.
 
Sincerely,
R
 

Dear R,
 
You are absolutely right. It does not sound like a big issue, because it really is not. You can read my previous answer to a Magdalene reader who asked why she is still single. But again, seriously, it is not something that you should be worried about, especially when you’re 23.
 
You’re scared of dying alone? Newsflash: Everybody dies alone. No one gets to ask to bring their plus one (or two or three) when their time comes. You’re afraid your “prime age” to conceive a baby is limited? It’s the 21^st century, medical technology is more advanced now. Although the risks do increase if you conceive at a later age, many women who do get pregnant later (like our managing editor who waited until she is 38 to have a baby) do just fine. Plus, you can always adopt. There are so many abandoned babies who need loving parents.
 
It seems to me like you just love the idea of being in a relationship, that you feel like your life will have a meaning only if you have a partner. That’s not healthy. Another newsflash: Relationship is hard and requires hard work. Too many people get married too young (personally, I think nobody should get married until they’re 30), and find out the hard way that marriage life is not all it’s cracked up to be.
 
So yeah, stop worrying and just enjoy being 23. Twenty-three years old is not the time to worry about finding “the one”. It’s the time to build a career and to work towards achieving complete financial independence, to find your passion, to learn a lot of new things – basically to spread your wings and fly, kicking off your shoes, painting the town red, and all that.
 
By the time you meet “the one”, you are your own character and you’re likely to be more independent. You will not depend on others for your own happiness and you won’t just do things because that’s what society expects you to do. That, my friend, is a better recipe for a relationship.
 
Best,
M
  
Got a burning question about something? Send it to [email protected] — in English or Indonesian — with the subject “Ask Madge” or tweet your question to @the_magdalene.

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